God is not done with me yet...

A few months ago I was ready to hang it up. I was TIRED! I have been living here since 1969, started working in the boys dorm when I was 14 years old, became a teacher at 18, in 1981 I became the school principal, a couple years later principal and staff director and around 1986 became one of the executive directors. My responsibilities were; school director, staff director, visiting groups coordinator, liaison between the children and their parents, Ranch pastor/spiritual leadership, Ranch representative and speaker at churches and conferences, husband, father and much more. Over the years the toll of losing 2 brothers (one in a car accident the other pancreatic cancer) and one sister (leukemia), watching my parents die, watching a dear friend of ours die in my car as I rushed him to the hospital, watching my wife almost die, the work and pressures here, the many travels and constantly dealing with back pain almost forced over the edge. It got to the point where I was afraid (and still am to a degree), that if one more personal tragedy were to beset me, I would lose it. I had even asked a couple of senior staff members to take my place, because I wanted to step down. They couldn't, because they were moving to Guatemala to work at a deaf ministry there. So, what to do? Some people on my mission board suggested admitting me to one month of counseling and therapy. Not wanting to be away from my family for a whole month, I nixed that plan. Instead I took the summer off. No speaking dates, no traveling. just stay home, be with my family and get better. First of all my wonderful doctor (Thank you Dr Patricia) helped me get off pain meds. I had been taking them for 2 years, started taking too many, so I needed to quit. That was NOT fun. However thanks to an amazing medicine called Suboxone, It was not as bad. Once off the pain meds I began seeking alternative pain relief, acupuncture, electro therapy, hanging upside-down, stretches and etc, it's helping a little. The next step was to see a Christian counselor. So every other week I drove to Chula Vista and met with a counselor that was recommended to me by the church that ordained me. His name is Dennis Harris and he is a good guy. The final and most important step was; getting back to Jesus, spending more time with Him, in prayer and His word. For a long time I have been dealing with anger issues with God for all that He has allowed my family and I to go through. I'm still not completely over it and it still bugs me that my beautiful wife had to go through the brain aneurysm, surgery, strokes and everything that has altered her life forever (or at least till she gets to heaven). Almost every time I see her struggling to walk it saddens and bugs me, but I am not as angry at God as before and I press on. The cool thing about God is He is like our dads, we can get made at dad, but he still loves us, God will always love us too.

So where am I going with all this? I am feeling the best I have felt in like over 2 years, both physically and spiritually. I am excited once again about serving at this amazing ministry, and good thing too, because God has some big plans. Stay tuned for those plans, and other stuff that I'm going to be doing.